FEAR AND LOATHING IN THE E.D. AND AT HOME

... if the pains in my back are spasms or a build up to another bleeding ulcer attack. It's funny that, before the first one hit, that I wasn't having aceta attacks. It was more like I'd been kicked in the side. I thought I had pulled a muscle and kept putting a heat pack on it which ( and fuck all I hate this memory ) made it worse. And worse. And worse (btw, this was 2004)

So I go to the ER. Sign in and and then sit in the waiting room for four hours. The pain keeps getting worse and worse. I was doubled over and hallucinating. I had used up all of my endorphins.

Then I have Mom get me some bottled water. I put it where the pain was and it slowly but surely ceased.

Now it's five hours and I say fuck it! I'm getting the fuck outta here! So I sign out and go home. A week later I'm in IC because I'm literally bleeding to death. Transfusions from the time of admission to the time I'm released.

So fuck all now I have to worry every time I get any sort of pain in and around that area. It's probably spasms; I do need a new bed but still... And I shouldn't worry about it because it'll make shit worse! But again, still...