SOMETIMES YOU BLOW IT

Back to the 60's, tight in stomach. No malice aforethought. Too bad the Grudgemaster Generals. I get away with nothing, Golden Boy is here, there, and everywhere. Maybe the pain will stop, but it'll take some time. I got nothin' but fucking time anyway. They've set loose the Monster; I knew it was going to happen one day, and it looks like this is the day it all goes down.

Things change, in a moment's notice. I didn't do anything, I mean what the fuck, I mean what the fuck? They are all in Gold, and we are city shit! We have no earth to revolve in, but they think they are the Earth. Here we are, circling their earth, like we are the minions in some grandiose play that they keep staging; only for them, not for us. They like to watch themselves in the mirror and ask not what your family can do. It's more like what my family can do for them. Faltering Kennedy vibe going on here. Only the cracks in their head will soon bleed, but it just doesn't seem to happen. Ever.

My stomach is tight and I don't want to bleed to death; nearly, and again. This will take some time to get over, but it's finally done and I knew the day would come, but I just wasn't fucking ready for it.

Halloween mask my ass!

LIFE AFTER DEATH: REINCARNATION

Okay, let's say that does exist. Then how the fuck are you going to remember who you were in a past life? ( other than that past life reading shit ) If you truly can't remember who you were ( come on, face it, no one can) well...

I was watching "Angel Heart", and at the end of the movie, Mickey Rourke finds out he was a victim of a soul switching voodoo spell. Robert DeNiro, as the devil, tells him "you've been living in another man's memories". Think about that for a while. Your "real" self is living in someone else's memories. Then where are the memories of your "real" self? And how do you locate them?

Chew on this for awhile: could it be possible that your "real self" is also living in someone else's memories? It could go around and around and around.

I'm no student of Buddhism, but I heard someone say that, to find Nirvana, you have to "get off the wheel". How the fuck do you do that? When you stop living in someone else's memories? When you find your "true self"?

And afterwards, what do you do when you find your "true self"? What are you supposed to do then? I imagine you'd be sitting in blank nothingness, like The Boob in "Yellow Submarine", with a typewriter and typing out nonsense which, although it sounds scientific, is absolute double talk Dadaism.

I think about weird shit like that.

BUS RIDER

Soon, I may have to do it; ride the bus to my DX appointments. I wouldn't have a problem with it if I weren't disabled, but...

In order to do this, I would have to walk one block uphill (using a walker ), get on the bus ( which, as everyone knows is never never on time; I don't care what anyone says), ride downtown (which is the major hub; you wanna get somewhere, you gotta go downtown) transfer to another bus, then hope to Christ you get to your appointment on time.

I was - was being the operative word - qualified for Medical Transportation. Now for some fucking reason they pulled it, saying that my DX has to sign off for it. The response I got was "can't you ride the bus"? Well, yes I can ride the bus providing that someone takes me to the goddamned bus stop!

I didn't ask to be disabled. More than anything I wished the shit would just stop; to just fucking go away. How does that work anyway? Who do I wish to? What, I gotta go to one of them wishing wells and throw a quarter in, or maybe one of the fountains in one of the local malls but I'd still have to ride the bus to get there!

Getting back to it, I didn't ask for this shit. Like my father says "it is what it is".

If I was in shape, yes I'd ride the bus but if I was in shape I'd still be goddamned working and had enough money to own a fucking car!

And I don't care what anyone says: waiting for the bus in rotten weather is the rottenest; even the hardcore bus riders will tell you that.

I wonder if I'm being a baby. Maybe so, but let them ( the infamous 'them', who thwart everything) get up in the morning with spasms so bad you wonder if this is the day that you finally won't be able to walk anymore. Let them make their bed, only to lay back down on it because of the spasms caused by said chore.

Tell ya one thing: this Thursday, my DX is gonna get a goddamned earful - which may fall on deaf ones, seeing as he barely speaks English. A topic for another entry.

...AND NOW

They don't even let you have fun on the bus anymore.

I'd like to pull a Bender move while dining at a fine restaurant, asking the waiter "can I see your fortified wine list?"

KNOCK DOWN LOADED

I drank this shit on a bus ride to a party; in a paper bag no less. It was common practice ( for alky's like me anyway ) to get loaded before arriving because some people would hoard the alcohol to make sure they didn't run out; a safety stash, if you will.

Christ Almighty what the fuck did I do to myself?

IT'S HALLOWEENIE TIME! IT'S HALLOWEENIE TIME!

Okay. In a few moments in will be Halloween. More like Vandalism-ween.

We haven't had trick or treaters here in over 30 years, no joke. Most likely all of the kids in the neighborhood have grown up and moved on to bigger and better things; they've become yard bosses at Albion Correctional Facility.

Here's a question: what elements does a book or movie have to have to be categorized as "horror"? I always thought of "Lord of The Flies" as a horror movie; same for "Deliverance". " I Heart Huckabee's"; very very horrific!

I've posed this question to a few people and they've said that there has to be a supernatural element in the movie for it to be labeled as "horror". One fault with that logic: "Psycho" is considered one of the all time classic horror movies, yet there is no supernatural element to it. Insanity, yes. Ghosts, demons and creatures? None.

Here's how I define a horror movie: one that horrifies the audience, no matter what the plot.

In the past - and currently - torture movies are considered horror, i.e," Last House on The Left", " Saw", "Hostel" and "Hostel 2" ( which is really over the top), and the aforementioned "I Heart Huckabees." But man oh man, "Hostel 2" really goes over the edge. I just can't believe it was nationally released; that and it never caught any backlash for some of its scenes.

Oh well. It's a Happy Crappy Nappy Bappy Halloween, and all is to rest easy, until the nightmares come ( and the definition of a nightmare is dreaming of being tied to a chair and forced to watch "I Heart Huckabees" and "Ishtar" over and over again, much like Alec in "A Clockwork Orange".)

THIS IS GRANDMA

... and this is her teeth. Was she being funny or trying to scare the shit out of us? Before my time, so I don't remember.

We have a pic of my grandfather's mother; yes, she must have contracted one of those Victorian plagues. As Colonel Kurtz said "The horror! The horror!" Her pic soon to be posted ( as soon as I can locate it.